I'm not the only one

So, everybody thinks about suicide at least once as far as I'm concerned.  I've thought about it since I was 8, it's a possible side effect of medicine I have to take, I know people who have tried and I know people who have been successful.  It's bullshit.  A total selfish bullshit act for chicken shit assholes.  Some people are truly fucked up when they try and others are going for the most narcissistic cry for attention possible.  No matter how you justify it, in reality it's just bullshit.

I've known lots of people who have died for various reasons; old age, suicide, accidental suicide (autoerotic asphyxiation), shot in a robbery, car accidents, not wearing a seatbelt, drunk drivers, tragic illness, lost at sea (lake michigan), cancer and I'm probably missing a few.  There is one person Dave Shotkowski I consider the most tragic of them all.  He was my high school pitching coach and an all around good guy, it was the year of the MLB strike and he had been called to Florida to pitch as a replacement player; he was down there and some mother fuckers decided to steal his wallet and shoot him.  This man with a family, this super nice guy, this guy getting a chance to finally live his dream; this guy was killed for no reason at all.  The epitome of tragedy.  This man should not be dead.  My old friend Andy Hartwig who died in a car accident should not be dead; the majority of people I've know who have died should not have when they did.  This will all make sense soon

A few days ago someone I know tried really hard to kill himself.  He was sedated, put on life support feeding tube and all.  The guy had been acting really crazy and stupid and just plain dumb.  He's a talented guy and I owe him a lot.  When I first heard I was concerned for his fiance and wanted to hit him.  I needed to know if he was okay and I was generally concerned.  The whole time I wanted to go and punch him and call him a pussy.  I was planning on visiting him; until yesterday that is.  So this piece of shit made a post on facebook that was essentially an invite to go visit him in the psych ward.  I've maintained contact with his fiance (I guess she broke up with him after this), and she has continued to tell me when his visiting hours are and all of that shit.  Each update I just get more and more pissed off.  The facebook thing was the last request; he was asking for sympathy and to me he seemed to be bragging about it.  I didn't want to visit him after that, for if I did I know I would just yell at him and want to kick his ass (not good things to do to someone in the psyche ward) and I tonight I found out that I'm not alone.

Another friend of his and another one of the first to know feels the same way. Only a piece of dung would stop fighting when there are so many people who has their chance to fight.  To try to give up when so many people have it taken away makes me so mad, so fucking mad.  I'm not saying that everyone who tries to off them self sucks, some people need help.  Asking for visitors on facebook like you're inviting them to a party is offensive to me, I've been really offended by this guy I at one point would have called a brother.  If I go and visit I will yell and want to hit him, if I go and visit I will be involving myself in a situation I want no part of.

I'll finish this up similar to how I started it; suicide is fucking stupid unless it goes before tendencies and is the name of a band (even they aren't cool anymore), suicide is bullshit and selfish and all words that go  along with those ideas.  I have no sympathy at all.  Sorry dude, I don't really want you to be a part of my life.  I don't want to waste my time worrying or being sad or anything about someone who does shit like this.  Fuck you dude.

i was here

so it's 1994 and young long haired me was long term inspired by this concert. Nine Inch Nails downward spiral tour.  It was amazing.  I also picked up a (if memory serves me correct) hot 19 year old lady who I thought was younger; when she and her friends invited me and my friends to come hang out at their place in chicago after the show and I had to say that I couldn't because my dad was waiting to pick us up I'll never forget the look on her face when my response to her asking my age was "15".  Needless to say I never made it to her place.

The other thing that stuck in my head after that show was the stage design.  it was amazing.  This song and "Reptile" were two that inspire me to this day when I am thinking about new stage installations.  This song is also an amazing one that immediately slams me with the floods of emotion that were washing around my system at the time.

HURT

FutuRE PRESENCE has come and gone

Future Presence was a success; I sold work, made money, made some potentially great contacts, everybody had an awesome time, basically it was a success.  In three and a half weeks the two of us put together something way surpassed any of our initial expectations.  I can't wait for the next one.

I'll finish this with a congratulations to my dear friend Amber Courteau; the release party for her book is tonight.  I can't imagine a more deserving person.  There was a time awhile ago where we had a morning talk about things we wanted to do; publishing a book and putting together art shows were two things that were talked about.  It is pretty cool that we each got the first taste of doing those things that we wanted on the same weekend.  Recently the coincidences are piling up, this is one that is beyond crazy or fate based.

Good job Amber, Jeremy, Nathaniel and Me; we kicked ass this weekend

Final results for the Polish Pugilist

I owe Jeremy Catterton for letting me be part of such an amazing and special production.  Of my list of art related accomplishments being part of that play is easily one of my proudest moments.  Climbing and wiring in those filthy rafters, hundreds of trips up and down narrow rickety stairs, prolonged sweating, consistent stress about being in over my head amongst a group of such dedicated and talented people, being pushed far outside of my artistic comfort zone and finding that I could step up to the challenge, being pushed to new levels, meeting and working with such an amazing tribe of people, being exposed to truly dedicated artists who would die for their craft, seeing a bar set high above me and finding that I could reach it; I could keep going.  Jeremy, Hillary, Kristina, Jacob, Claire, Mike, Abbey and Paula, I'm proud to be able to say I worked with you and I'm proud that all the result of all of the time, the total dedication and exhausting effort turned into something so amazing.  I didn't do the project because I was looking to get anything out of it, I did it so I could work with and learn from a group of diverse and talented people.  We all put so much work into it, I'm so glad we are getting the recognition we all knew we deserved.  This was one of the best summers of my life.  I can also safely say that without my involvement it wouldn't have worked like it did.

POLISH PUGILIST TIED FOR BEST PERFORMANCE PIECE in Lavender magazine's best of 2010 list

I owe a lot to Jeremy Catterton, he is responsible for me being where I am artistically; for years he's been a constant and strong supporter, he made me push myself artistically to a whole new level with my work on the Polish Pugilist; through working on the play I was introduced to Nathaniel Smith, what evolved into Future Presence started as a facebook chat at 2 in the morning, because of Future Presence I was presented with opportunities I never would have encountered on my own.  In the last six months I've really found out what true hard work and dedication can get you, and I love it.

FUTURE PRESENCE

Future Presence is shaping up to be worthy of it's Tronday opening.  On Friday Dec. 17th this is the art show you want to be at.  The list of artists is a list of rad people who do good work.  I've got my compatriots Solid Gold (dj), MAKR, Dave Jensen, Drew Christopherson, Ryan Olsen, DickPicks helping out with music.  We've got beer and wine sponsors.  Everything is shaping up to be excellent.  For my first time curating an event this might be a pretty damn good one.

future presence flyer plus alternate edition

OFFICIAL FUTURE PRESENCE

ALTERNATE FUTURE PRESENCE

Design by Bryant Locher 

Original art by Nathaniel Smith 

a bit awesome

I would be committing a crime if I were to skip posting this after posting all the other Tron stuff.

TRON X PLAYBOY

I WANT TO DO THESE THINGS

huffington post article on light art

Future Presence invite. it's really fucking cool doing this

FUTURE PRESENCE is an art show and sale in time for the holidays featuring emerging local artists exhibiting their work and offering it at special prices. 

Paintings, jewelry, screen prints, lights, clothing, sculpture and photography will all be shown. Come by to check out the art, listen to the music, have a beverage, buy some unique gifts or start your collection and get something for yourself. 

Featuring:
Nathaniel Smith
Bryant Locher
Jesse Draxler
Matt Locher 
Dexa Frank
Shon Troth
Erin Smith
Chris Park
Justin James Sehorn
Nick Lundeen
Dave Jensen
Laurie M Adams
Kate Burgau
Andrew Shannon
Kimberly Jurek
Carrier Pigeon
Cassandra Brost
introducing Rachel Weiher


Music: TBA (my friends, but my plan is to keep some mystery alive until it gets closer so I won't write it down yet)

Gallery Doors open at 6:00 pm Friday 
Opening Party starts at 8:00

Presented by: Nathaniel Smith and Bryant Locher

Sponsored by:
L'etoile Magazine, Solo Vino, Pabst Blue Ribbon, 
Familia Skateshop, Urban Arts Group

The exhibit will be up all weekend, we will post times we are open as the event gets closer


-my goal with this is to have it be like a flash robot love type store that exists in the land between the museum and the gift shop; the music I'm treating like a blind-box, you don't know what you're going to get until you open it up. Perfect time to show some things and sell some shit.  I hope this works, we're already getting attention and I don't want to let anybody down; or look like a fuck tard blowing on a horn I think is my own but doesn't actually exist.-

oops

I missed writing something on the actual 1st anniversary of THE BLUEFUTURE.  I do have a good excuse though.  I'm putting on an art show along with the original production designer for The Polish Pugilist; the one who got fired and left me with a ton of work and started off "the worst weekend ever", Nathaniel Smith.   We're calling the event FUTURE PRESENCE: art show and sale.  I spent last night doing the first stages of setting it up; putting together the lineup, wording the promo description, lining up sponsors.  I'm very excited, really really excited; it's my first real venture into the world of curation.  The show will open on dec 17th.   On TRONDAY, a recurring aspect of this blog are the continual updates on the progress of TRON: Legacy, I'm so excited about this art show project that I was willing to schedule the opening night on the opening night of tron. I kind of forgot when I was agreeing on when to have it, but once I remembered I realized I had made a really good decision.  
Future Presence is going to be the first chance that Matt and I show work together as well as the first time I will be showing with some of my best artist friends; it's been talked about for years between different people within that group, but this is when it is actually happening.  Kate, Erin, Matt, Dave, Shon, Erin, Nick and maybe even Kerry and Lauren; plus djing by some of my best musical friends; if things continue to go as well as they have been this should be a really cool event.  Nathaniel and I are super motivated and enthusiastic so shit is getting done quickly.
I also just sent a resume to a company for a job that might be pretty awesome.  I'm knocking on wood for both of the things I just said.  Besides being fucking cold, so far this week has been pretty cool.

happy anniversary to the future