not as fun

the moment when you realize that something will never happen or will never happen again sucks. I had one of those moments a few days ago and I have another one on the way for tonight. It's also nice to find out that you were an important player in the worst time in someone's life. Nothing like being called a fling or a phase.

Somethings are too good to end others must end before they stop being good and you accept these things. Somethings can only happen once or for a small period of time at a specific place in a specific time with specific people; it hurts when those things come to an end and you realize that the only two options are to get wound up in the past or to move on. I don't want to move on from what will be ending tonight. More than a year long relationship with a group of people who came together once a week to celebrate, collaborate and comiserate (s.i.c.) is having it's last hurrah.  Who knows how often I will ever see these people again (I'm guessing I won't very often).  So much fun has been had; but ego took over for a bit and people got scared away leaving the event a shadow of it's original goodness.  Shadows don't make for good statues and the night began to grow quiet.  Tonight will be the last session of Nick and Eddie's wednesday gatherings; this has been my key to the social world, a place to have meetings, a place to meet others, a place to share ideas, to form ideas, to make friends, to patch up mistakes, to have birthdays, to share tears, to drink, to learn new things and most importantly: to dance.  That's how it all started, then things went a different direction.  Not everybody liked that direction and some began to stay away.  New things came as old things passed, but there isn't anybody left to properly take over.  Sad. Going to have to tear it up tonight.

Thoughts about that moment of never again were introduced to me monday night and I haven't been the same. A 'friend' brought it up and ended it with a "thanks dude".  My floor is dissolving and I'm not sure that I have a basement to fall into, instead of standing in a solid structure I might find that I was just up on a balcony and when the floor goes away I'm just going to fall.

I will wake up thursday morning and a part of my life that has been really important and needed will be gone. I'm taking this hard and it hasn't even happened yet.  If things happen in 3's then tonight will be the third in a week. Vincent, CsEv and now Nick & Eddie; at least they've spaced themselves out to be every other day.