woah

I did not expect this weekend to go the way it has gone so far, especially after the last one.  In fact I never would have predicted the southernly turn things took after I woke up on friday, but if I was thinking I should have expected them.  pure shock.  wednesday night the descent began, thursday the cascade began. a good morning turned into what became a fucked up friday the second I got back from lunch, literally.  things just went south and haven't really stopped dropping yet.  tensions that had been simmering beneath a load of smiles and deceptions exploded; subtle issues became big deals; good intensions backfired; hearts were broken; feelings were destroyed; lives where changed; and bonds were severed.  All that and it's only saturday.   I wish there was a word that meant a combination of sad+angry+disappointed+betrayed+shocked+surprised+dizzy+loss+lonely+embarrassed+guilt; I'd have titled the post that word.
I fucked up and jumped to some conclusions that led to some really bad decisions.  Don't send drunken text messages making ridiculous paranoid assumptions you know aren't true.  Don't believe the words of people you know have lied and betrayed you in the past.  If overly intoxicated trust the quiet thoughts and impulses that come from the small sober part of your brain, ignore the loud wasted thoughts that come from the other part.  Think before jumping to conclusions; and if you ever decide that it's a good idea to track down a friend with the intention of beating the shit out of them; wait until you've heard the whole story, stopped being exhausted and drunk from the night before, and thought about what the possible repercussions from doing such a stupid thing might be.   Even if the assumptions you've made turn out to be slightly true; take the high road and act like a civil human, don't act like a foolish animal.  People do bad things, all of us are people and all of us have the capacity to do bad things.  Good intentions can lead to bad results. I say all this from recent experience.  One of my personal quotes is "good ideas can quickly turn into bad ones", so true.

it's pretty fucked up to be the villain, hero, victim and aggressor all at once.  Of the three people involved nobody won and all of us lost in some way.  people got hurt yesterday and that hurt isn't going anywhere soon.

the problems I described in my last post disappeared, and a whole set of things that nobody in their right mind would want replaced them.  this sucks.

Some of you might tell me to look up at the bright side, my first reaction is to drop down and focus on the bad; I've decided to look straight ahead and figure out where I'm going with this shit and how I'm going to play the hand I've been dealt.

This morning I lost some things that are very important to me, I can only hope it's not for good.

these guys made one of the best videos ever

This isn't the video and the actual songs aren't very awesome, but I'll get it up here

ahhhhhh fuck

a good friend of mine recently said to me, "dude, people would love to have some of the 'problems' you've got".  fine.  right now I'm being forced to accept the fact that I have to let go of the best option that has come up and go after another that may be good, but probably not as good.  the new option seems to be like when the teaser trailer is better than the one that gets shown in the theater and you're not sure if you should go see the show or not.  I hate this shit.  

work

I need a job.  I also need a wizard to advise me in the decision making process.  I'm great at finding myself in situations that make asking advice difficult, that is why a wizard would be so helpful; he could read the stars so I wouldn't need to waste time on the lead-up explanation.   I need a job so I can pay my wizard advisor (probably one of those instances where "you get what you pay for" really means something) and maybe figure out my current quandary.  

Change the channel

So I started a vimeo channel as a place to show video based projects that I've worked on.  Right now there are two videos I worked on for Solid Gold and three promotional clips for a local haunted house.  Check them out.  I'll continue to add new clips as they come out.  I've got some footage from older Solid Gold shows and from the play I did the set/lighting for; "The Polish Pugilist",  which is being edited into clips to show off my work.  There is also more footage from the Solid Gold performance at the Weisman Art Museum where I went all out to make one of the coolest installations that should be coming my way soon.  As another way to promote myself I am excited for this one; Steve Jobs has it right, vimeo is so much better than youtube.


THE BLUEFUTURE VIMEO

mission accomplished

so living in minneapolis you hear about that josh hartnet is here and there and all that.  I ran into him and  I finally got to ask if he slept with shannon sossamon while filming that 40 days and nights movie.

didn't really get an answer

?

odd concerns accompany odd situations.  what am I doing? what do I plan to get out of it? do I have an agenda or not? if an agenda exists and never comes to fruition will I continue anyway? It would be simple to walk away, but I don't think it's the right thing to do.  If only things hadn't been so good

I'm pretty sure the majority of the population would handle things differently if it was them.  

What exactly am I doing?