dude, seriously?

I need to be in the studio or looking for a job or furthering my life, but instead all I think about is RYT and Tron Girl and Tron in general (ocd level obsession and I think I'm near the bottom as far as people obsessed with that thing goes).  Add the introduction of ASL and the return of CLR to the mix and my mind is one big distracted mess.  Last night with RYT was a good door opening one; but who knows what the repercussions will be.  I would be awesome to 'cheese a B' or 'B a P' right now; but I'm out of fuel (it fucking sucks).

Hangovers fucking suck.  Wonderful girly boobs don't (best pillows in the universe).  Those left this morning and I've been left with the hangover.  At least I have my burrito and chips.

I'm starting to think that a few less drinks and more hours of after party might have been the right choice; but then one of the best parts from last night wouldn't have gone down.  I'm living a chose your own adventure book right now and I'm not entirely sure I've been making the right choices.

ramble ramble ramble.  she was right; it has only been two months, but it feels like 4.  That needs to change

my dream lady

full american version

I love this girl

I'll light up her suit

good quote

it's coming!

rough

it's hard to walk away; it's even harder to let go.

fucking hallmark shit

shit

On my last journey I was convinced I was planning a trip up K2; when I opened my eyes I realized it was actually a dirt mound.  I started climbing again and got invited on a beautiful mission; now everything else will be a step down from that one.  I feel like I got to the top of Everest, got blown off in the rarified air and hurt bad on the landing.  Now I'm in a full body cast and I know that I'll never get up to that highest peak again.  Eventually I'll have to leave base-camp; but I'm still looking up at the mountain that kicked my ass.  I guess all I have left to do is get in shape and go in search of other mountains.  Right now I don't feel like climbing anything at all.  I guess my team is right when they say I have to let go of that previous achievement and start looking for another mountain to climb.  

This shit really sucks.

best ever

While in the shower today I figured out what will be the best and tastiest burger plate of all time.  Thomas Keller I'm coming for you.  This thing will be expensive, unhealthy, a little bit of cruelty involved in the ingredients, dangerous to your body, stinky, illegal, incite a fuss among certain groups of people, and delicious.

Patty:
Kobe and Veal mix (expensive, unhealthy, cruel, protestable)

Toppings:
Micro Greens
Sliced Purple Heirloom Tomatoes (expensive)
Soft Unpasteurized French Cheese (expensive, dangerous, unhealthy, illegal)
House Made Rough Stone Ground Mustard
Caramelized Yellow Onions

Bun:
Made in small batches from a Vintage Yeast Culture (potential danger)

Side:
Potato free 1/4 Julliene (sic?) Foie Gras Fries in Medium/Light Batter (cruel, expensive, illegal in some places, unhealthy, protestable)
w/Spicy Black Truffle Ketchup (expensive)

Might as well serve it on a Lalique colored glass plate. (very expensive)

DELICIOUS!!!!!!!

I thought of this while in the shower and haven't stopped wanting one all day.  I imagine that without knowing the details even the most militant vegan would eat and love it.

I can only think of two things that I would like to eat as much as this right now, and I'm just about as likely to taste either of those today as I am of tasting this burger.   bummer

clean apartment

I'm a mess.  This shit sucks.  Need to get moving.

truth

the truth can hurt and the truth can comfort.  not knowing the truth can leave you floating down a blissful stream of naive ignorance; but finding out that there is a raging river flowing behind you, a river you accidently stepped into and are now drowning it really crushes that bliss.  If I were to make a real natural world metaphor I would say that before this weekend I was a sockeye salmon swimming upstream, then I got caught and eaten by a shitty bear.  now if I am going to swim upstream I want to be a bull shark swimming up the mississippi river.  those things can breath salt and freshwater and they are vicious mother fuckers.  in reality I'll probably just become a river trout, or maybe an otter.

what a load of shit stretch.  forgive me, I'm forcing it

today's wisdom

it's hard to be serious when the whole world is a joke.

right

things are right.  Gorillaz fixed my brain. that was a fucking cool concert.
show<2000
concert= average age<26
performance=average age>33
shit show=average age<14

this was a fucking cool concert, and the three kids who dressed up like the Gorillaz were the coolest people in the place.

I stopped thinking about the past and focused my eyes on the future; got some support from friends and noticed that I things are alright.

cheers

shit

this break we're taking sucks, and it hasn't even been a full day.  I'm going to be missing you hard girly, I wish I hadn't fucked things up.

woah

I did not expect this weekend to go the way it has gone so far, especially after the last one.  In fact I never would have predicted the southernly turn things took after I woke up on friday, but if I was thinking I should have expected them.  pure shock.  wednesday night the descent began, thursday the cascade began. a good morning turned into what became a fucked up friday the second I got back from lunch, literally.  things just went south and haven't really stopped dropping yet.  tensions that had been simmering beneath a load of smiles and deceptions exploded; subtle issues became big deals; good intensions backfired; hearts were broken; feelings were destroyed; lives where changed; and bonds were severed.  All that and it's only saturday.   I wish there was a word that meant a combination of sad+angry+disappointed+betrayed+shocked+surprised+dizzy+loss+lonely+embarrassed+guilt; I'd have titled the post that word.
I fucked up and jumped to some conclusions that led to some really bad decisions.  Don't send drunken text messages making ridiculous paranoid assumptions you know aren't true.  Don't believe the words of people you know have lied and betrayed you in the past.  If overly intoxicated trust the quiet thoughts and impulses that come from the small sober part of your brain, ignore the loud wasted thoughts that come from the other part.  Think before jumping to conclusions; and if you ever decide that it's a good idea to track down a friend with the intention of beating the shit out of them; wait until you've heard the whole story, stopped being exhausted and drunk from the night before, and thought about what the possible repercussions from doing such a stupid thing might be.   Even if the assumptions you've made turn out to be slightly true; take the high road and act like a civil human, don't act like a foolish animal.  People do bad things, all of us are people and all of us have the capacity to do bad things.  Good intentions can lead to bad results. I say all this from recent experience.  One of my personal quotes is "good ideas can quickly turn into bad ones", so true.

it's pretty fucked up to be the villain, hero, victim and aggressor all at once.  Of the three people involved nobody won and all of us lost in some way.  people got hurt yesterday and that hurt isn't going anywhere soon.

the problems I described in my last post disappeared, and a whole set of things that nobody in their right mind would want replaced them.  this sucks.

Some of you might tell me to look up at the bright side, my first reaction is to drop down and focus on the bad; I've decided to look straight ahead and figure out where I'm going with this shit and how I'm going to play the hand I've been dealt.

This morning I lost some things that are very important to me, I can only hope it's not for good.

these guys made one of the best videos ever

This isn't the video and the actual songs aren't very awesome, but I'll get it up here

ahhhhhh fuck

a good friend of mine recently said to me, "dude, people would love to have some of the 'problems' you've got".  fine.  right now I'm being forced to accept the fact that I have to let go of the best option that has come up and go after another that may be good, but probably not as good.  the new option seems to be like when the teaser trailer is better than the one that gets shown in the theater and you're not sure if you should go see the show or not.  I hate this shit.  

work

I need a job.  I also need a wizard to advise me in the decision making process.  I'm great at finding myself in situations that make asking advice difficult, that is why a wizard would be so helpful; he could read the stars so I wouldn't need to waste time on the lead-up explanation.   I need a job so I can pay my wizard advisor (probably one of those instances where "you get what you pay for" really means something) and maybe figure out my current quandary.  

Change the channel

So I started a vimeo channel as a place to show video based projects that I've worked on.  Right now there are two videos I worked on for Solid Gold and three promotional clips for a local haunted house.  Check them out.  I'll continue to add new clips as they come out.  I've got some footage from older Solid Gold shows and from the play I did the set/lighting for; "The Polish Pugilist",  which is being edited into clips to show off my work.  There is also more footage from the Solid Gold performance at the Weisman Art Museum where I went all out to make one of the coolest installations that should be coming my way soon.  As another way to promote myself I am excited for this one; Steve Jobs has it right, vimeo is so much better than youtube.


THE BLUEFUTURE VIMEO

mission accomplished

so living in minneapolis you hear about that josh hartnet is here and there and all that.  I ran into him and  I finally got to ask if he slept with shannon sossamon while filming that 40 days and nights movie.

didn't really get an answer

?

odd concerns accompany odd situations.  what am I doing? what do I plan to get out of it? do I have an agenda or not? if an agenda exists and never comes to fruition will I continue anyway? It would be simple to walk away, but I don't think it's the right thing to do.  If only things hadn't been so good

I'm pretty sure the majority of the population would handle things differently if it was them.  

What exactly am I doing?

heights of stupidity

so I have this friend with quite the ego.  he complains/comments regularly on the moronity of people.  someone asked him, "if your friends are such morons why do you hang out with them?" He didn't reply and I didn't say anything at the time.  I thought about the question afterwards and I figured out the answer; it's easier to be condescending to people you've already deemed below you.  if he were to surround himself with people he considered equals he would be challenged and potentially looked down on by others.

I simply find this amusing.  probably doesn't read as well as it sounds in my head.

suck it

The "Epicurean paradox" is a version of the problem of evil. It is a trilemma argument (God is omnipotent, God is good, but Evil exists); or more commonly seen as this quote:

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”^[

poop

some people are just people.  some people use people.  some people allow themselves to get shit on and used.   what's the worst?

nice target

new mission off to a good start.  so far I've got a 2-1-1 record on missions like this. it seems to be only a matter of time before there is a 3 in the win column.  If I were playing darts I would say there is a nice bull's eye with some interesting patterns on this board and that I'm optimistic that I will be hitting it